Since Ellie was born and I became a full time stay at home mom of two, I've been working - and by working I mean struggling - with what my parenting style is and then - here's the key - how that matches up with what is effective.
I was raised in a very loving home - but there was spanking, yelling, harsh consequences - and my brother and I turned out quite well. However, I've recently come to terms with some of my traits that I don't wish to pass along to my children.
I am short tempered.
I am not patient.
I can be quite harsh when I become frustrated
I react violently - verbally and physically...
I can be a bully.
I decided in the last 48 hours that it is extremely important for me to break the chain. Partially because I witnessed William becoming angry and frustrated in situations and not possessing the emotional intelligence to deal with his feelings - and I blame his example (i.e. ME). It also struck me today that I am allowing the aforementioned personality traits color my love for William - and HE DESERVES ALL of my UNCONDITIONAL love. It's time for me to be a better advocate for him - as a person and as his role model.
I don't know if I can explain it, but I was overwhelmed with this feeling that my behaviors were / are having adverse effects on William's development. And I was moreso overwhelmed with remorse, guilt and a desire to love him and tell him repeatedly "you are loved, you are amazing, you are kind, you are special, you are smart, you are everything to me, you are the best thing that ever happened to us...." and so I have, repeatedly, done that today.
It's just another thing I have on the list of what I'm working on - but it became top priority as I caught a glimpse of how quickly behaviors are modeled by our children and become troublesome behavioral attributes.
My children are the most extraordinary thing I've done.
They deserve 100% of me, unconditionally loving them until I'm gone.
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