Catch 22

For as long as I can remember, I have been tired.
Second grade, I'd fall asleep during reading time - I remember the teacher telling me that it wasn't normal and questioning the amount of sleep I get.  But I always napped.  I can always nap.

As I got older, it became a joke with my co-workers.  No amount of coffee, no amount of sleep the night before, nothing would hinder me from feeling sleepy at various parts of the day.  Take that into pregnancy and motherhood - it becomes harder and more "difficult" to feel that way all the time.

After going through a difficult time after William and then just feeling awful after Ellie - I decided to see some counsel from my friend's very trusted naturopath.  While I trust Western Medicine, I truly value the holistic perspective.  Unfortunately I don't have much trust in our health care system which severely limits not only the doctor's ability to run tests "outside the box" but often prevents the doctor from even seeing it as necessary.

I had a wonderful eye opening and invigorating conversation with Dr. Kari that made me feel after discussing everything from the length of my menstrual cycle when I first got my period to acne medications to my diet when I was in high school that she knew where to begin.  She said it certainly sounded as though my pituitary gland doesn't release the luteinizing hormone which triggers ovulation (and why my cycles are always long and I ovulate late), I struggle with serotonin levels, she wants to check my thyroid, adrenals not just for function for the presence of certain enzymes that would indicate... well - it was all overwhelming.

Because Dr. Kari isn't covered by my insurance, all of this would be out of pocket and therefore unaffordable for us at this time.

I've felt this way or some version of this way all my life - so it shouldn't be a big deal, but I also find myself struggling to feel this way and be a good wife and mom.  But we really cannot afford it.  So I'm stuck between the hope of a truly life changing solution and our current situation.

As I'm writing this I was JUST overwhelmed with the realization that at least I'm ALIVE and nothing is so wrong with me that this is life or death.  I'm tremendously blessed with my health - so now I feel like a total ass for writing this complainitory note, but because I'm 100% about being real, I'm not going to delete it - also because I wanted to demonstrate my bi-polar nature these days. HA!

So, it stinks, but I am alive and healthy.  My goal now is to focus on my inner strength since I cannot afford the treatment route - I must fix myself with my actions and attitude.

Here's where it starts.... I feel GREAT!

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